Are you up? 
Are you down?
Are you mobile? 
Are you around? 
Do I have space to be? 
Or do I need to see
What needs to done
In this moment I'm free.

I'm exhausted 
In body
I'm confused 
In mind 
But I keep looking to find 
The strength 
To be, to see, to plan...

To simply, breathe.

Oh you wicked life
You've dealt your card
You've cut right through 
Our burgeoning hearts. 
You're cruel, you're mean
We didn't see
The space we had, 
When we could just be.

Now it’s:
Medical kit
Appointments galore
Restrictions 
Contradictions 
Redactions 
And action.
Always, action.

I'm screaming for space
A slower pace
Grace
I'm struggling with 
Energy
Balance
Conflict in needs
Planting seeds
Of hope, instead of fear. 
I'm here. 
I want to be here 
I'm clear.
My love for you 
Will keep me always here and near.

So. Today. Our lives are different. 
I need to find the good. 
I've now understood
That life is precious 
It's raw
It hurts
It's beauty is flawed
But it has a new law.
Live. Love. Today. 
We may not get more. 
I love you with every claw 
Of my fingers 
Trying to close the door
Against the tide and the roar
Of my pain. 
It's insane.

I love you 
I want the best for you. 
My heart bleeds 
With seeds of desperation
To find reason 
In this season of confusion 
That has become
So precious. So precious.

Today. We have today. 
Live that way.

Give way. 
Play. 
Stay
In the moment. 
It's my only way 
To make sense of 
Each precious, precious Day.

I hope I can do this. 
I'm trying to do this. 
Please be patient while I try. 
I can't lie. 
This is hard. 
I'm relaxing my guard
To be human. 
We're both human
Struggling. 
I have no more delusion. 

In this new life 
Full of strife 
We have today. 
Only today. 
I'm trying to live that way.
​
I love you. ​

Ah, Jess you’re the best
With your auburn hair with curls at the end
Your dazzling smile and shining braces correcting the bend
In your beautiful teeth – an aid you’ve been temporarily lent;
Your natural beauty was meant.
Ah, Jess you’re the best.

Ah, Jess you’re the best
Your brain is so active, it’s way ahead of me,
Your mum and dad and Tom can easily see
Where you’re heading.  A  life full of achievement
Your hungry mind was meant.
Ah, Jess you’re the best.

Ah Jess you’re the best
Your sailing is legendary
In our family.
Continuing the tradition of Mum and Dad’s bent;
Your passion was meant.
Ah, Jess you’re the best.

Jess you’re the best
Your fashion is young
Feminine, fresh and fun
Your petite and fit frame is cool – and elegant.
Your style was meant,
Ah, Jess you’re the best.

Yes Jess you’re the best
With your frown, and fury at times.
I can only find
A surpassed giggle and pride at your womanly vent,
Your strength was meant.
Ah, Jess you’re the best.

But do you know the best of you Jess?
What is really the best?
It’s your softness, your compassion, your thought and your care
Because it’s that that is not meant
But it’s the way you have lent
With free choice.  It’s from you.
You have chosen your truth
Of how you are, with friends, at school and at home.

If your aunt can be so bold
And if you don’t mind being told
You will never ever lose your beauty, mind, passion, your style and your strength
If you continue to be kind and care, and to respect the gifts you’ve been sent.
Ah Jess, you’re the best.

You be true to you; always.  Always speak your mind
Be strong.  Be yourself, and you will find
That you will be OK, you will be safe and be loved
Because it’s all of the above

That makes you, Jess,
The best. ​

Being Carin’s parent has not been an easy life
In fact it’s often been full of strife
From the moment her head popped out to say hello
It seems nothing went with its normal flow.
 
As a babe she had to sit up day and night
Because her little tummy was just not right
If she lay down for just a jot
She was promptly sick – and out it shot!
 
Then came the time to go to school
But she couldn’t understand the endless rules
Because she didn’t know how to read
And it was when she was eight this was seen as a special need.
 
The fight to be heard, the fear of doing wrong
Caught her up in endless knots.  Whether it was from
Sleep walking, ticks or talking in her sleep -
When she DID sleep, after counting endless sheep!
 
When her dad went to bed, late at night
He always heard as he turned out the light
‘Goodnight’ again as a last-night call
Its safe to say he wasn’t exactly enthralled!
 
Then came exams, oh my oh my
How her little brain struggled and tried
She kept up in class with no problem at all
But when sitting the tests there was nothing to recall!
 
But Carin had developed by this early stage
The art of determination and a vibrant rage.
If anyone told her she maybe could try less hard
She would push that extra hundred yard.
 
‘Become a secretary’ her parents cried
The more they said it, the more she tried
Until her poor parents just shook their heads
As she took a post grad exam, instead.
 
Boys were another story altogether
She never quite seemed to get their measure
So broken-hearted wherever she was
Her parents were quite at a loss.
 
Australia gave her a chance to be free
A chance to be as she wanted to be
With people saying ‘go for it’, ‘give it a go’
Instead of ‘I wouldn’t Carin, it’s risky, no’.
 
Here she excelled in work and life
But like anyone growing up she had some strife
With cancer at 28 and then profound fatigue
She had now hit the typical Type A exhaustion league.
 
Her poor parents were worried and very far away
And couldn’t help her day to day
Instead there were short-term visits and long term calls
Where they did their best to soften her frequent falls.
 
But Carin has a backbone of steel and bones of grit
And it wasn’t long before she tried again to find her fit
She volunteered, travelled, retrained and studied
And true to form, excelled, and pushed back times previously muddied.
 
She was in demand, earning well but bored
So she got a job in San Fran, and her courage once more soared.
But just when organised, it all fell through
And she had to think, again, what to do!
 
Back to the UK, to spend time with her family
She had years of bliss before another calamity
This time, it took everyone, even she by surprise
And from the ashes, she had to once more up and rise.
 
Her poor parents really had now been socked in the jaw
And her big concern, was not just for she, but that they suffered no more.
But this is where the difference came
Because it’s now that her life, once and truly, finally changed.
 
She was no longer the child, the little girl
Trying to please others and look out for their concern
She was now at last grown up, an adult and on her own
Instead of striving, feeling all alone.
 
The parenting could finally stop
Because she found herself, from her bottom to her top
She was she. Her art, her words flowed easily out
And it was with joy and laughter that she could be seen about.
 
Her parents and she were at last good friends
And it was here that their painful parenting was at an end.
Carin had learnt who she was and that she was OK
As she was, with who she was, every day.
 
So up she picked herself once more
And dusted herself off, up off the floor
But this time with a confidence and a spring in her step
And a grin and cheeky wink it was to her future she set.
 
She now had the focus to look after herself
With enthusiasm, confidence and a new-found stealth
Because she had learned that nothing ever in her future life
Could be as bad as her recent strife.
 
And she had come through, with strength and courage
She shook off her bad days with a flourish
And took herself off once more to the land of Oz
Where she knew she could save her pennies, because
 
She wasn’t now going to find herself and be free
Because she had learned that she was free wherever she would be.
Instead the move was purely practically based
And it was practical things, not emotional ones, she faced.
 
Carin’s parents had had a long hard rocky road
And it was their endless love, support and faith through which she now flowed.
They had been there, for her, at the most important time of her life
They had listened, and cared, and provided support through her biggest strife.
 
She could never reconcile in herself the pain they’d been through
And would rather have lost both arms and both legs too
If it could have stopped their pain on her behalf
But she could hear them now saying ‘don’t be daft.
 
‘A parent’s role is to support, love and care
No matter what age or what tragedy life lays bare’
‘But’ says she, with a sincere frown
‘There comes a time, when parents are not around.
 
‘And the child has to be the adult, in body and mind’.
Her parents could at last find
That their life was theirs, to enjoy, to savour
With their own special pizzazz and flavour.
 
Carin’s parents had cared as much as they could
And she and they knew that they always would
But she also knew that instead of ‘are you sure?’
Her new cry was ‘I like life!  Give me more!’
 
Thank you, to her parents for being resolute and strong
And supporting her for so long
Thank you, for their love and care
Thank you, for giving her the courage to dare.
 
Thank you for valuing her determined streak
To do things not intended for the meek
Thank you for accepting her free spirit
To embrace everything and everyone important to her in it.
 
She is now a woman in her own right
With confidence, and a giggle, and an ability to fight
But, whether near or far, their parenting will always be her mortar
And she, in turn, with love, will always be their daughter!