What have you done?!
You’ve lost me
You don’t know what you’re doing
You know you’ve done wrong
But you seem incapable of facing it all
Never will I stop loving you
Never will I stop caring
You hurt me more than words can express
You ripped my heart out
How I wish I could help you
But I have to survive, myself
My pain knows no bounds
To think of you lost, without me
I’m trying so hard
To separate from you emotionally
I have to, to survive
Paddling hard, rescuing myself
What have you done?
You will always be in my heart
But not in my life
You’ve escaped the lions clutches
Claws tearing, teeth snatching, ripping you apart.
You’ve made the break, you’ve broken free
How do you stay away from the jungle’s heart?
Fear descends, panic, pain, tension
At the thought of returning to the lion’s den.
Eyes wide open, pre-empting the attack
You don’t want to go back to that space again.
Tears cascade down your face
Tension jumps in to your bones.
Please learn the skills of how
To stay in your new-found safe internal home.
Your friends all know the real you,
They were shocked to see you dissolve.
They know you as strong, proud and fun
They don’t understand what evolved.
Please let them never be in that space
Where they’re told they’re loved but are wrong.
Where they’re bullied, then loved, then slammed down, then held
Where they’re actually not respected all along.
Where their life doesn’t exist
And their thoughts are muddled
Where their needs are on hold, where they cannot express
Because their focus is always on ‘the other’.
Don’t let the hammer slam on your head
And crumble your stable ground.
How can you open up the tangled fronds?
And retain the peace you’ve found
How can you do this when you return?
To the life you’ve been in, so jagged and dense.
You’re fearful of what is around you there
Dense foliage, oppressive, dark, silent, tense.
How do you stay free and calm?
How do you stay with who you are?
How do you remain happy and light?
How do you mend your scars?
You don’t go back. Ever.
You stay in the new place you’ve found.
Even though the geography and landmarks might be the same
The people around you are different and sound.
You don’t stay with people that damage
You think of yourself, not them
The one act of leaving is hard, I know
But with time, you will rise and be strong again.
There will be times where you feel the tension crash in.
Recognise the damage that’s been done.
Look at what’s happening, give yourself a hug
With work, what’s been done to you can be undone.
Learn new skills of how to think about yourself
Take time, be patient; the best learning is slow.
Be kind to yourself, don’t worry about mistakes
Just stay on that road, and grow.
If you slip, don’t feel inadequate or hopeless
Don’t let your confidence wane
All learning involves mistakes
But, always, get up and continue, again.
So what is this language and country that’s foreign
What are the skills you will learn?
They involve self-love, boundaries, assertiveness, respect
All qualities you will learn to discern.
When you next feel threatened, look from inside.
Remain strong and pure.
Face it full on with integral strength
If you stand still, and peaceful, you’ll avoid the lure.
It cannot reach you if you remain true to yourself.
It will slip off and not stick.
No matter what anyone says or does
Your mind will give it the flick.
If anyone attacks you, breathe slowly and deep
Stay calm, strong and true.
Smile and hold onto yourself
Keep your mind strong, peaceful and free
Your soul open and huge.
Don’t let it be shrivelled, constricted and small
This is something you will lose.
Have no fear of criticism, attack and disapproval
Deflect it like water bouncing off stone.
Respect yourself first, hold on to yourself
Because your soul will have opened, it will have grown.
Be you, because it is who you are
Say what you think and feel without being hurt.
Have confidence in your thoughts,
Without being on edge, frightened, alert.
Look to your dear friends
They know the real you.
They love you for who you are
Share their respect; for it’s true.
Be free, to be the person that shines
Be brave and put your face to the sun.
Show your immense love and strength
Integrity, honour – and fun.
You are fine as you are, you are good, you are OK
You don’t have to justify any more.
You can smile, you can give, you can be open and true
You have your feet firmly planted on the floor.
Life is so precious, time is so short
Be what is naturally you.
You’ve been given a gift; your life to share
With someone that respects you through and through.
Stand up for what you believe in
State your needs with pride.
Look after yourself, first,
And strengthen what’s inside.
Have courage. Have faith.
Stand strong and tall.
Be who you are with clarity.
And you won’t fall.
Like paintings, words have the power to connect. I share my poems here with you in the hope that they benefit others.