Poem - The Carer

Are you up? 
Are you down?
Are you mobile? 
Are you around? 
Do I have space to be? 
Or do I need to see
What needs to done
In this moment I'm free.

I'm exhausted 
In body
I'm confused 
In mind 
But I keep looking to find 
The strength 
To be, to see, to plan...

To simply, breathe.

Oh you wicked life
You've dealt your card
You've cut right through 
Our burgeoning hearts. 
You're cruel, you're mean
We didn't see
The space we had, 
When we could just be.

Now it’s:
Medical kit
Appointments galore
Restrictions 
Contradictions 
Redactions 
And action.
Always, action.

I'm screaming for space
A slower pace
Grace
I'm struggling with 
Energy
Balance
Conflict in needs
Planting seeds
Of hope, instead of fear. 
I'm here. 
I want to be here 
I'm clear.
My love for you 
Will keep me always here and near.

So. Today. Our lives are different. 
I need to find the good. 
I've now understood
That life is precious 
It's raw
It hurts
It's beauty is flawed
But it has a new law.
Live. Love. Today. 
We may not get more. 
I love you with every claw 
Of my fingers 
Trying to close the door
Against the tide and the roar
Of my pain. 
It's insane.

I love you 
I want the best for you. 
My heart bleeds 
With seeds of desperation
To find reason 
In this season of confusion 
That has become
So precious. So precious.

Today. We have today. 
Live that way.

Give way. 
Play. 
Stay
In the moment. 
It's my only way 
To make sense of 
Each precious, precious Day.

I hope I can do this. 
I'm trying to do this. 
Please be patient while I try. 
I can't lie. 
This is hard. 
I'm relaxing my guard
To be human. 
We're both human
Struggling. 
I have no more delusion. 

In this new life 
Full of strife 
We have today. 
Only today. 
I'm trying to live that way.
​
I love you. ​