My talent for Faux Pas

I seem to have a talent for doing silly things; please feel free to add any for which you've shaken your head in disbelief (like I have) or had a laugh at my expense!  Here are 20 that I can think of.  Thank you for your patience with me dear family and friends.

1. Leaving the plastic covers on the magimix (mixer) blades when preparing for a dinner party for 16, resulting in us all picking plastic out of our mouthfuls.
2. When in economy on an international flight, passing a (rude) written joke - with my business card, through a flight attendant, to a well known comedian, in business class, only to totally panic at the stupidity of it (the action, not the joke) with visions of him presenting my business card and his 'experience' on his TV show. I pushed my way past flight attendants in to business class, found him, and stood, jabbering apologies, to which he replied "I didn't think the joke was very funny either".  Ouch!
3. On Christmas Eve, in casual scruffy clothes, bra-less, whilst holding a senior position in a well known bank, finding a beetle on the floor and walking around the Executive Floor asking anyone that happened to be working if they had a window that opened.  The COO, the CFO both looked at me as if I were mad.  Which I probably was.  I went down in the lift and let it out to the fresh air.
4. Attempted murder of goldfish in my care (by mistake) and trying to call their owners on holiday to ask for advice.  Unfortunately, the phone line for the holiday location was via Perth police station who insisted I told them why I needed to reach my friends; I don't think they'd had an admission of murder of goldfish before.  They put me through to the location and unfortunately I woke the policeman’s wife, who also insisted I explain why I needed her husband (at 6am).  She kindly told me how to look after the fish. 
5. Running, literally, for a train in England, to connect to a plane to Australia, with my long skirt hitched up around my waist and shouting 'stop that train'. It stopped.
6. Calling The Fire Brigade because I could smell gas in my house. They came, informed me that I'd left the oven on with no flame.  Trying to redeem myself, I proudly told them that I had closed all the doors.  They reminded me (remember this): you close doors for a bomb, and open them for a smell of gas.  
7. Putting pictures up with a rolling pin because I didn't have a hammer, and then wondering why dough had hole marks when I rolled it out.
8. As a retail assistant, serving a gentleman and his friend to find a lovely dress for his wife.  I showed him a lovely low cut evening dress and asked, tactfully, if his wife was OK not wearing a bra.  He replied "She has to, she's over 45" to which I blurted out, without thinking "excuse me, I'm over 45 and I don't always wear a bra".  They both turned and looked at me.  I don't think they needed that information.
9. Saying to a retail customer that she looked like a carpet ... after I'd suggested the dress she was wearing.  I changed it to something in which she didn't look like a carpet.
10. Cleaning the loo seat with a bleach product and then wondering why the back of my thighs came up in big red painful welts.
11. Trying to pack a dress in an A5 Special Delivery bag.
12. Pulling, what I thought, was a light switch chain when staying at a friend's house, only to have it come off in my hand and fall down the plug hole.  It turned out to be decorative feature, matched by the light aside it. So I undid the u-bend wondering if it would flood, found it, put it back ... whilst panicking and sweating with fear ... and told them six months later.
13. Trying to play a CD in a DVD player (more than once).
14. Not knowing how to play the TV at a friend's house, so managing to un-tune the whole thing and not be able to get it back.
15. Bursting in on a (topless) lady in the changing room with a dress I enthusiastically wanted to show her, when working in retail.
16. Walking through the bar in the restaurant with both dogs on leads in a summer dress and wellies, to be looked up and down by a customer and told "I can't imagine you working in corporate".  I took that as a compliment.  
17. All of us looking for a dress for half an hour in the shop, only to remember that I had sold it.  
18. Adamantly and indignantly stressing to Cannon that I had NOT dropped my camera and that it was faulty, insisting I be sent a new one (which I was) to be informed by a friend that I HAD dropped it, in her company.  I'd forgotten.  
19. Locking myself out of my house in Sydney, in my nightdress at 10.30pm and walking to the Police Station and asking them if they could please let me in.  They gave me a phone to call a locksmith.  
20. Driving with my family, looking for a location and enthusiastically saying “look it’s only 30 miles away now”.  After they had stopped laughing, they reminded me that it was a speed sign: 30 miles an hour.